Heart Rot


The roots of a tree ingrained in the soil.Reaching– searching– for nourishment and support. Just as I search for the same myself. Not only in my surroundings but in everything that i do.

Anxiety can overrun your life. Like Heart Rot to a tree, anxiety enters through wounds– holes in the persona. The Rot invades and takes over, consuming the tree. To both tree and person, this can be quite debilitating for living. Although mine takes the form of a sickness, both must fight to survive in a daily struggle. As an epic battle, I suffer all of this not only inside of my mind but in all i feel physically.

With my new job, this stems a new wound to which my anxiety can seep through. Thoughts about the future haunt my morning and bring sickness to all I feel. My stomach screams to be released and my organs cry from cramping in fear. My thoughts whisper to flee and escape to my house– to simply call out and be done with this. But alas, every day I must overcome these struggles.

But, I must say, there are two distinct reasons why I try my best to fight against the thoughts and feelings.

  1. It would do no one any good if I went home. I would miss so many adventures and experiences as well as so much money simply because of fear of the unfamiliar.
  2. It would be giving my thoughts power. Transferring these ideas, these notions, into words. Speaking them, simply uttering that I am “nervous,” would result in blowing up my altered fantasy into a truthful reality.

I’ve always had an overactive imagination.

Pretending, scheming, thinking of tomorrow or today and what the future will hold. But, SURPRISE, I am now being held back by my thoughts that once gave me the freedom to imagine and believe.

Now, I’m not here to give you a guide on how to conquer anxiety (or Heart Rot, for that matter). If I had that, I wouldn’t be writing this right now. Of course, I have tried everything there is but if anyone is willing to share some suggestions, we could all work from there.

What I truly want, is for this to be a safe space for you. To speak and not have to worry about the future. We can worry about what post to make next instead, OK?

Well, now I must make like a tree, and leaf.

Forgive me,


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